The Forgotten Memories of Severus Snape
by IManageMyMischief
Summary: Couldn’t she see that he had cared about her since they were children? Couldn’t she see that he loved her, loved her far more than was fair?


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but this is my plot.

A/N: It was just something that was on my mind one night. I had to write it down. And don't get me wrong, I am completely for James/Lily. But, I think we should feel a little sorry for Severus Snape.  
And please, please, please review. Critisism/feedback is great! So when you're done, press go! I know you want to..

**And I Still Think of You**

--

It was the perfect summer's day; at least that's what Severus thought. The sun was shining brilliantly through the large tree he was sitting under, it's rays toying with the brilliant red hair that was spread out along the grass.

He almost couldn't believe it himself. Lily Evans – _the_ Lily Evens – sprawled out on grass next to him, apparently asleep. He shouldn't have been surprised; they had been friends for several years now. But still . . .

He glanced down again at the still figure of her; his eyes couldn't keep away for very long. Her chest rose rhythmically and her hair twisted and curved with the grass. A piece of it sat dangerously close to his hand. She was smiling in her sleep, but then again, she was always smiling. The only sad thought Severus had was that her eyes were closed. He longed to see the emerald orbs that floated in her face, revealing her every emotion and filling him with a strange sense of warmth.

A lock of hair curled on her cheek. Severus raised his hand tentatively. _Did he dare?_ . . . She was sleeping, after all. He shifted closed to her and moved his hand slowly toward her face, ready to sweep the strands of hair behind her ear –

"Sev?"

His hand remained frozen in the air near her cheek. But her eyes remained closed. _Was she still sleeping_?

Severus quickly pulled back his hand. _Just in case . . ._

Lily's eyes flicked open and she stared ahead at the tree branches above her. The shade from them shadowed her and Severus, keeping it several degrees cooler than those areas in the sun. _Severus . . ._

Her eyes shifted to him. He was staring at her, like he always seemed to be doing. Searching her, almost, with those dark, brooding eyes. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest with her arms, mumbling an apology for dozing off. She pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Sev's hand twitch.

They sat in quiet for a few moments, enjoying the silence. Lily finally spoke up, her voice breaking the silence.

"It's nice to be in touch with someone from the Wizardingworld when you live in a sea of Muggles," she said to him. "By the end of the summer, I feel as if I imagined everything and I'll wake up and discover myself to be . . . normal."

She brushed the side of his arm lightly with her fingers, then went back to staring at a flower not too far from them.

Severus sat still, still astonished by her casual touch. He could feel it burn, a short line of fire that tingled pleasantly. He moved himself closer to her. _Maybe . . ._

"Can you believe it? Our third year – over." Did her voice always sound so fascinating?

"It's like home," he added.

Lily smiled. "I miss it. Everything. Dumbledore's speeches. The house-elves in the kitchen. The crazy secret passages. Potter – "

Severus started. "Potter? What about him?"

Lily sighed. "Though I hate to admit it, Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without Potter and his friends screwing everything up. Stupid Potter . . ."

Severus let out an internal sigh. For a second there, he thought that Potter's hard work at gaining Lily's attention had worked. But no, he was still the same arrogant twit in her eyes. Thank goodness . . .

--

* * *

--

"No, I'm still working on the Charms essay. Why did Flitwick have to assign so many inches?" Lily's voice echoed through the corridor. So bright and clear, Severus loved to hear it even though it wasn't addressed to him. He pushed himself even closer against the wall, watching the torch flicker on the wall across from him. Shadows danced on the front of the statue in front of him, covering his body in darkness.

Lily and Alice walked past him then, on their way to dinner. Her hair swished across her back and glowed in the low light. His eyes followed her as she moved down the corridor.

But then she stopped.

"Oh wait, Alice," she said as she searched through her bag. Severus held his breath; she was right in front of him.

"I think I left my Potions book in the common room."

"Do you want me to –"

"No, its fine, you go ahead to lunch. I'll be down soon."

What perfect timing! He had been planning this confrontation for months, and now was the time.

Just as Alice was disappearing down the corner and Lily was turning around, Severus stepped out from behind the statue saying, "Lily."

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn't jump or shout. When she saw him, her eyes narrowed. "What are doing, Snape? Spying on me?"

She only meant it as a joke, but Severus took a step back into the shadows, hiding his blush. "No."

She glared at him, her eyes filled with disgust. She was surprised that he even had the guts to talk to her again, after what happened last year. But there was no way that she was going to give him the pleasure of talking with her.

As she started to move away, Snape called out from behind her. "Lily, please?"

She wasn't sure what made her stop, or move back to him. It annoyed her that she gave in so easily, but something in his voice just sounded so . . . vulnerable.

"What, Severus," she sighed, turning around. He was surprised. He thought his time was going to be like any other, when she would just walk away without a second thought. But no, not today. She was actually willing to listen to him.

"Look, Lily," he started, "I'm really, really sorry about what happened last year. You know I –"

"Save it. I don't want to hear an apology." Her voice was stubborn and she sounded like she did when she was younger, when they used to spend time together as children. It gave him inspiration for what he would say next.

"Remember when we were children, Lily? When we used to play together during the summer and talk about Hogwarts? Remember?"

Her face grew soft as she considered what he said. She stepped closer to him. "Look, Sev," she said with a sigh. He smiled at the use of his long-lost nickname. "I know we were friends back then, but we're older now, we've grown up."

"I know, I know. But don't you think we could've been friends even now?"

"We've changed a lot since then . . . and after what happened. . . . I don't think so, Severus."

The words hurt his stomach. Everything just made him so angry. Couldn't she see that he had cared about her since they were children? Couldn't she see that he loved her, loved her far more than was fair? And why didn't she feel the same way?

She must have seen the dejected look on her face, for she turned around the step away. Severus didn't know what to do anymore. But he had to do something.

He quickly rushed up to her, taking a hold on her shoulder, spinning her around gently so that she was close to him. He looked down at her bewildered face and spoke, the words flowing out of his mouth the truest things he had ever spoken.

"Lily, you are the most important person in my life and I can't stand to lose you again. You – I-" he stumbled for the words to say, and cried out, "I love you, Lily."

Her mouth opened in surprise and Severus, greatly caught up in the moment, used it as a way to press his lips to hers. Finally, after years and years of dreaming about revealing to Lily his thoughts about her, it was happening. Every feeling he had thought about her was made known in the way his lips moved with hers and the way their bodies curved together. He stopped to breathe for only the smallest moment, and then he was with her again, bringing his arm around her and his hands to her face. Lily was still beneath him, but he could feel her mouth moving slowly with his. He deepened the kiss and used their caressing lips to fervently describe the way he felt for her.

Lily then moved her face away from him and stepped back. He was surprised and didn't move for a moment.

"Severus, I –"

But there was no need to say it. He knew already. It was something that had hidden in the back of his mind and now finally showed itself. He instantly went from love struck to angry.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" His voice was bitter.

Her eyes widened and she stepped back again. "What, no, I mean – well, um –"

"James Potter." He didn't even have to question it. He could see that Potter's efforts to win over his Lily were succeeding.

He turned away from her. "Just go. Go back to your beloved _Potter_ and leave me alone."

She didn't move. At first, he had a spark of hope and though that maybe he had been wrong. Maybe she really did despise Potter. Maybe every time she rejected him or told him off, she was really thinking of him, Severus. Maybe she would come running back, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss that would –

And then she walked away. Each step echoed across the hall and sent a blow directly to Severus' heart.

--

* * *

--

It was getting late. Severus rushed down the hall, taking a shortcut to get to the dungeons. Soon he slowed. He remembered this place.

It was a narrow corridor, with low lit torches an a tall statue up against the wall. This was the place where he had his heart broken about a year ago.

He scowled and continued slowly down the hall, trying to block the pain in his chest.

"Stop," a voice giggled from behind the statue. "James . . ."

He knew that voice. It was the voice he had grown up listening to and secretly admiring. And now . . .

It was common knowledge that Lily Evans and James Potter were dating. Everyone was finally glad that they could stop listening to the words of James accosting Lily, or of Lily yelling at James to leave her alone. They belonged together, everyone said. Everyone except Severus.

He grumbled to himself as he watched Potter lower his lips to brush them across Lily's neck, and Lily twirling a piece of his unruly hair around her finger. And of course, he had to choose _this_ way to walk back to the common room.

Something kept his gaze fixed, though, to the couple as their lips met again and their arms wrapped around each other. It hurt to watch Potter as he lowered his hands around her waist and kissed her so fiercely that it made Severus sick. It hurt even more to watch Lily kiss him back with equal fervor.

It was hypnotizing. He kept imagining himself in Potter's place. In his thoughts, he was the one who was joined at the lips with Lily. He was the one that could barely breath because of how long he had been holding her in his embrace. And most of all, he was the one that Lily was eagerly kissing back.

He stood there for a moment longer before slowly turning around and somberly finding another way back to his room.

As he lay on his bed, the scene he had just witnessed stood out in his thoughts, forever embedded in his mind.

--

* * *

--

It had been eight years, five months and twenty-one days since he had met the girl of his dreams.  
And yet his feelings hadn't decreased.

It had been one year, one month, and seven days since he had revealed his feelings to his true love.  
And yet he could never stop thinking about the kiss they had shared.

It had been three months and four days since he had lost his only love to another man.  
Any yet he had never felt more in love.


End file.
